Starting over in your 50’s is not something you planned for.
Sometimes it really hurts. Sometimes it feels that you have lost something you didn’t want to give up. Sometimes it is scary as hell. Sometimes it seems like the ending is forced on you.
And when the ending doesn’t feel like our choice, we can lose sight of the opportunity that is before us.
I wonder if you know what I’m talking about. If you too have had endings that broke your heart. Perhaps the ending you experienced was an end of a marriage, a friendship, a career, or financial security. Maybe it was a loss of good health or the loss of a home. Let’s face it endings can be very painful.
Especially when we resist them…
When we fight to keep that which we are losing. When we struggle to make sense of what happened. When we deny that any part of us was in agreement of this ending. That’s when it hurts the most. That’s when we feel stuck. We lose connection to our desires. We doubt ourselves and our confidence is tested.
When my marriage ended and I moved away from the home in knew for 24 years, I felt all the things I mentioned above. Even with the skills I have at my disposal it took me a long time to see the other side of the endings.
So sometimes we resist the ending…and put off the new beginning…
We suffer in bad marriages, dissatisfying jobs, or in physical pain because the unknown…well, that’s just too much to think about, isn’t it? Until it seems life takes away all other choices. All other solutions. All other ways except the one that takes you into the void. Now I know that’s a scary place to be. But it’s the only place from which we can create something new, from which we can begin again, from which we are able to embrace the possibilities and opportunities offered.
So how do we do it?
Step 1 Accept the ending…
Allow yourself to feel the pain, to grieve the loss, to get angry and to spend time feeling sorry for yourself if that’s what you need to do for awhile. Now, I know many will say, “don’t do that!” Instead they will tell you to ‘get over it’. But the only way you can is to feel it all the way until you get so tired of feeling that way that you finally accept what’s happened. You accept that even if it may not feel fair, or that you didn’t want it to end this way, or that you can’t understand why right now.
Step 2 Take courageous action in your present…
It might take a while for the new beginning to take shape. At first life may feel disorienting, scary, empty, and clarity about your new adventure might be a little muddy. But as you persist, take each day as it comes and make a plan, the new life you have dreamed of will slowly manifest. Each day you must take baby steps. Do what you can and be kind to yourself as you learn new ways of being, new ways of doing. And if you feel fear, then do what you need to do anyway. If you will allow it, you will notice that you feel better. The struggle to hold on to something that doesn’t serve you anymore is gone. In it’s place is hope. A very subtle feeling. Hope that from this new beginning your heart’s desire can manifest.
Step 3 Embrace the new…
A new life doesn’t happen overnight. For humans it takes nine months. We don’t give up half way through and say ‘well, it’s not being born fast enough’. The law of Gestation operates here. So don’t expect the answers will come in a flash. Or that you will suddenly be so happy and excited by the newness of your life. It takes time. This is one experience where instant gratification will NOT be an option. And that has to be okay.
When you begin to allow yourself to dream again…to feel enthusiasm and anticipation of what is coming……to be open to opportunities that come your way…Life will be good again. And you will find that starting over can be fun. It’s a new beginning where anything is possible.
So let it go, do it afraid, and get excited!
Till next week, live easy and be kind to yourself.
