Trust is the greatest gift you can offer a relationship. The dictionary says trust is: the reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
Trust is something we most frequently give freely. I trusted teachers to teach my kids. I trusted my friend to be there when I needed her. I trusted the mechanic to fix my car. I trusted the doctor to prescribe the right medicine.
We say trust has to be built.
But I have experienced my trust in others to be more automatic. I trust people who seem to know more than me. I trust people who are experts in their field. I trust my family will be there when I need them. I trust my friend will support my desires. I trust my partner to love me and have my back. I trust people to be loyal. I trust them to be honest. I trust them to be caring.
What it comes down to is this: I trust others to think, feel, and act like I would. And when they don’t I feel betrayed. I feel rejected, disappointed, and angry.
Why is that? Could it be that I ultimately blindly trust others more than I trust my own instincts, my own feelings, my own thoughts? And in doing so am I setting them up to fail me in some way?
I have come to understand that that is exactly what is happening.
Because when I look back at any one person or situation in which things didn’t turn out the way I wanted. In which I felt somehow let down. In which my trust in them was broken. I realize that in those moments I did know better. I did reject my own knowing, abandon my own sense of self, diminish my own needs, betray my own truth. In other words I put my trust in them and forgot to trust myself.
If we go back to the definition and apply it to ourselves rather than another or a situation we understand how to trust ourselves fully.
1. Act with integrity – speak your truth, share your feelings and thoughts, align your actions with your words and your values – even if there is a risk of rejection
2. Honor your strengths – be true to your values, respect your desires and needs – do not make another persons opinion about you matter more than your own
3. Recognize your abilities – acknowledge your inner resources and talents, offer the best of yourself – do not diminish yourself to boost someone’s ego
4. Create from your surety – take the time to know yourself, be compassionate with your feelings, be aware of your thoughts, listen to the inner voice of intuition – don’t allow others to convince you of something that does not ring true to you
Trusting oneself means that you rely on your own inner knowing. That you don’t allow someone else to disrespect you. That you hold yourself accountable for your decisions. That you recognize that in every moment you are enough. That you have the power to care for yourself, create what you want, and love who you are and offer yourself without reservation to others because you TRUST yourself to act from a place of your highest good.
Trusting others forms intimacy with them and is important to healthy relationships. And even more important than healthy relationships with others is…
A healthy relationship with yourself.
And that starts with Trusting You.